Mind Furniture

Pssst. You tech entrepreneurs, I have a tip for you… Clearly, in the app stores for both Apple and Android there is a glut of apps. Rather than just produce another copycat app, there’s an untapped market for a whole new series of apps. Here’s just three of them for inspiration at your next hackathon.

Hammer App

Say you’re hanging a picture in a bedroom. You might have one app to measure distances to center it on a wall. You might also have a second app to adjust the picture to be level. You’ve got the picture and a nail, but what are you missing? Exactly! A hammer!

This is where the Hammer App would be incredibly valuable. I’d recommend a freemium model. On the free version users see ads for Home Depot and Lowe’s and the user gets to use their phone only as a household 10 oz. claw hammer. On the paid version of the app, the user gets access to use their phone as the full tool chest! That would include a hammer like: 22 oz. checker-faced framing hammer with a wood handle, a rubber mallet, a 28 oz. hammer with a fiberglass handle. There might be tiered pricing so as to have an app targeting general construction and another app for DIY’ers.

Coaster App

If you’re like me, I’ll often set my phone out on a table next to me. Sometimes I’m also drinking a beverage but don’t have a coaster. With the Coaster App, my phone can hold my sweating cold beverage or my hot drink!

I suggest the revenue is driven by business sponsorship, making the app free. Users can select from a palette of several coaster designs. Users can also select from coaster designs boasting some of their favorite beverages. Imagine, for example, a Sierra Nevada Brewery coaster being displayed on your screen as you set down your Sierra Nevada Pale Ale right on top. Similarly, your Starbucks coffee could be set on top of the Starbucks logo. Using Bluetooth and RFID technology built into mugs and cups, the beverage and coaster could be automatically paired. (That might be a feature for version 2.0, however.)

Kitchen Sponge App

One final idea is highly practical. I enjoy doing dishes. (I am at risk of spoiling a meal when cooking; I’m far more safe to not mess during cleanup.) However, sometimes, after a dinner party or family event, when I jump into the kitchen to help, the host doesn’t always have a sponge handy. Perhaps there’s a scrub brush, or an old worn-out sponge, but not my typical go-to sponges. (I usually don’t have my carrying case with my array of sponges with me as the shoulder strap broke a while ago and I don’t trust the latches any more.)

The Kitchen Sponge App would be so much more convenient than my kitchen sponge traveling case. The app could earn revenue from product sponsors. For example, Scotch-Brite can brand their green, heavy-duty scrub sponge and 3M can brand their softer yellow sponge. With this app, with a swipe of the finger, I could easily toggle between a robust Brillo pad for scouring pots to a more delicate sponge for delicate china.

I shared these concepts with a few close friends. Unfortunately my friends–and even my friends’ very young children–found flaws in these apps. They were very hasty to dismiss the concepts. My hope is that as you go to your next hackathon you won’t be discouraged by naysayers.

#mobileappdevelopment #hackathon #noimnotreallythisdumb

If you’ve worked in a corporate environment for any period of time, you’ve likely done a few laps around the notion of personality testing. Perhaps you were categorized as being a “green” color, or an “ESTJ” from the Myers-Briggs Type indicator, or a person with a strength of Harmony from the CliftonStrengths assessment (aka Strengths Finder).

I’ve determined there’s an opportunity for further development in the personality assessment market. Invariably, current tests yield conclusions that tends positive (e.g., “You’re a person who rises up to meet new challenges…. You enjoy meeting new people… You prefer to be careful and thoughtful in your decisions….”).

I’ve got a slightly new rubric to introduce to the market. Here’s a screenshot from the online assessment is just ONE of the personality types you can be assessed for: Instigator.

Other classifications include:

• Miscreant
• Obstreperous
• Lazy-Bones
• Ornery
• Slob
• Sycophantic

If HR latches onto this new assessment as another method to facilitate team-building, don’t be lulled into complacency or cynicism. You certainly don’t want people whispering about you being “ornery” during the corporate retreat.

#personalitytypes #strengthsfinder #myers-briggs

I had an epiphany while watching the Super Bowl. While watching any major sporting event, statistics are common. For example, during the Super Bowl, key metrics about players, the game, and particular types of plays in the game were constant. For example:

• Average yards per play: 7.5
• Player game career-high in receptions
• Team rushing yards 98.1 (23rd in league)

With technology like the Skycam, the sideline microphones, or the amazing imagery–a modern-day football game is completely immersive. It stimulates the mind and the senses.

Unfortunately, when it comes time to Monday morning, for the majority of us, these types of statistics are of no use. We need to be mindful of the ever-changing facts and figures that make our global economy, government, and societies tick. I need to know things like: did Brexit happen, or not? and are fuel prices increasing or decreasing? Smarty-pants folks read things like the Economist, Wall Street Journal and listen to NPR and podcasts. But some of us may be longing for a bit more of an immersive experience when we just turn on the TV.

Here’s my suggestion as a starting point: let’s get a Skycam into the chambers of the House of Representatives and instant replay. Honestly, it would liven up the commentary for the announcers for C-SPAN. The change would give opportunity for some seasoned and retired politicians to add color commentary. Bring in the Tony Romo and Troy Aikmans of politics. Here’s some sample dialogue from the booth.

Tony: Now Troy, take a look at this up close. Notice how Liz Pollard leans in when she’s speaking with Mitch Matthews from Tennessee? Right there–you can see it here in the instant replay. That laugh is a classic Pollard move. We’re seeing more of that from her over the past week. She’s at a week high. She’s now laughing 2.3 times a day. that’s up from her previous weeks at 1.2 and 1.8 times a day.

TROY: That’s right. You’ll see her using her laughing techniques to reinforce those relationships. That’s in line with the direction her party has been moving on the whole this past week. Take a look at what we’ve seen this past week from leaders like Oscar Hernandez and Elaine Chau. The two of these are leading the party with an increase in laughter by 7.2% and 4.6%.

TONY: Absolutely. And you know the party is looking to improve their response times in voting on bills. You mentioned Elaine Chau from Oregon. Take a look at this highlight from last week. Her time to respond with a Nay vote on last Tuesday’s bill was a full 3.5 minutes. This week, she’s down to just under 2 minutes.

TROY: This is all about good leadership. Just before the vote, we were talking with Minority Whip, Ken Brackard. He told us that getting his party aligned is critical. But, he’s also looking for faster response times and solid decision-making this session. He’s doing a great job. This session, the party’s more prompt to respond over the other party by a full 15 seconds on average. That’s a 17% increase over where they were at last session.

TONY: It’s an exciting session. We’ll be back in a moment to announce the C-SPAN Representative of the Vote…. after this.

#takingcspantothenextlevel #statistics #politics

I’ve been collecting formulas that explain the mysteries of life over the years. Though I’ve received numerous rejection letters (or just no response at all) from the likes of Scientific American, The New England Journal of Medicine, and American Sociological Review, I am undaunted. I am now publishing one my formulas to the general public.

Men’s Comfortability to be Naked in Gym Locker Rooms

This formula identifies the Comfort Level that men exhibit when changing between street clothes and gym clothes in the men’s locker room. After evaluating the gym clientele, it proves a helpful predictor as to what to expect when changing. In brief: older men have no problem being fully naked, full-frontal, and conversational.¹

The formula is as follows:

Where:

• a – Age (18 years old through N years old)
• R – Average distance between men, cubed

The lower the Comfortability (), behaviors in changing are found to be:

1. extremely rapid
2. strategically phased (e.g., only drop the shorts after the baggy shirt is on)
3. private/averted (e.g., face the locker door and look down)
4. conducted in silence

The higher the Comfortability (), changing behaviors are found to be:

1. slow/lingering/methodical
2. extended durations in a binary state (i.e., either fully dressed or fully naked)
3. community-oriented (e.g., stand fully naked, facing the center of the room staring off into space)
4. conducted with an invitation to casual conversation (i.e., whether to passer-bys or to acquaintances/friends)

Examples:
Three men in their early 20’s, each a few meters apart from each other: Low Comfortability: 8.7
Three men in their mid 70’s, each a few meters apart from each other: High Comfortability 132.5

I have other formulas scribbled on my whiteboard, but I’ll start by publishing this one first. I welcome your peer review.

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¹ Other researchers posit that body shape also is a significant factor in affecting comfort levels. Specifically, the higher the obesity and age, the greater the comfort level of being naked, close, and conversational with other men. For further reading, I recommend the ground-breaking research completed by Klopfer, Zang, and Plumbfield entitled Aged, Naked, Large: A Behavioral Analysis of Lingering in the Men’s Locker Room.

#lockerroomtalk #pleasegetatowelsir

It brings me no joy to be “that guy,” but someone needs to do it. To the leaders of Canada and the province leaders, I know I speak for many when I write: we’re concerned about one of your provinces.

We realize you went through a lot of effort in late 2001 to rename Newfoundland to Newfoundland and Labrador. But to be honest, this was a re-branding debacle. The timing of the name change caught many of us by surprise since many North Americans were reeling in the aftermath of 9/11. (Honestly, we wish you would’ve picked up the phone to call; we would have given you our opinion.)

In looking at the province names, we can all appreciate the recognition of the indigenous names, or the acknowledgement of French or British roots. But the province of Newfoundland and Labrador looks as if it was an afterthought. (Someday, when this whole thing blows over, let’s grab coffee; would love to hear the story of how the team landed on this name.)

• Yukon
• Quebec
• Albertaca
• Nunavut
• Ontario
• Manitoba
• Nova Scotia
• Saskatchewan
• New Brunswick
• British Columbia
• Prince Edward Island
• Northwest Territories
• Newfoundland and Labrador

The name is excessively long, inconsistent with the others, and well… I don’t know of any other states or provinces in the world that have an “and” in the name, but you’ve joined the ranks of countries like Bosnia and Herzegovina and Trinidad and Tobago.

Since we’re talking, there’s another thing I need to bring up. The land is really not all that “new” anymore. Honestly, the name was cute for a while (like in the 1600’s), but since that time humanity has criss-crossed the planet, explored the ocean floor, been to the moon and Mars, and sent probes past our solar system. It’s time to move on. Also, let’s be honest, calling a geographical feature a “new found land” is not particularly innovative. (Lest you be discouraged, we do think it’s great you called the body of water the Labrador Sea!)

Renaming the territory is also a chance to avoid the rampant mispronunciation that’s been happening. When speaking, people pronounce the territory name or describe the citizens like “New Finland” or “New Finlanders“? I don’t want to speak for the citizens of Finland, but I’m certain I’m not the only one who’s heard grumblings that they’re frustrated with this confusion. They’re weary of the endless mix-ups when booking international flights, making personal introductions, or giving primary school geography lessons.

So on behalf of the rest of the world, we want to help you get the name right this time. You’ve done a bang-up job with the other province names and you’re an amazing country. We know you’ve got this in you. Might I suggest you get that same marketing team that named the other provinces? Reassemble the ol’ think tank and see what they come up with. There are plenty of us here if you want a second opinion.

#newfoundandlabrador #canada #geographyhumor

Is your daily work commute becoming burdensome?

Are you weary of the same ol’ day-after-day grind?

Do you long to apply your management skills in a dynamic environment?

Look no further. There’s a supervisor role just for you in the dynamic world of land surveying. Equipped with a dog sled and a 22-yard Gunter’s chain, you’ll have the opportunity to use your skills in the great outdoors.

It’s tough to know what to tune into on TV sometimes. This evening, I was wrangling between watching America’s Got Talent, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, or The Impeachment Trial of Donald Trump.

I’ve seen enough America’s Got Talent to last me a while. My wife and I watched Star Trek: Deep Space Nine too recently. None of the other shows caught my eye, so I turned to MSNBC and The Impeachment Trial of Donald Trump.

Heads-up. This is not at all like American crime story: The People vs. OJ Simpson. I thought it was a realllly long and boring pilot episode for a while. Turns out, this is going on right now.

(NOTE: I find the sequence of programming incredibly ironic: America’s Got Talent, American Greed, and The Impeachment Trial of Donald Trump.)

#impeachmenttrial #uspolitics

Maybe you’ve been there before. Your black sweater comes out of the dryer speckled with tiny bits of lint. Or, when leaving a friends house, your white pants bears the evidence of her two long-haired black cats. For most, the go-to solution is a lint-lifter. In a pinch, masking tape can also do the trick. I offer an alternative: slugs.

While it’s a slower process than a lint-lifter, for those situations that require a little more advance planning, it works flawlessly. Here are the steps.

1. Take garment containing lint/hair/fuzz/crumbs and put into small bucket.
2. Put 50-125 slugs into the bucket (recommended: 50 for an overnight cleaning and 125 for a quick clean) *
3. Place lid on bucket.
4. Wait 4-12 hours, depending on slug count.
5. Remove cleaned garments from bucket.
6. Wear with confidence.

Simple, right?

* While snails can be used in substitution of slugs, slugs are recommended as they have a more voracious appetite. If you do prefer to use snails, increase the number of snails by 1.5x (e.g., 75 snails for an overnight cleaning).

#waitthatsreallygross #slugs #snails #noidontreallyrecommendthis

“I’m sorry sir but I can’t sell that to you.”

This was the terse reply I was given while I was out last night. For some backstory, I’d had a long day at work. I was tired. I was wandering the downtown and stumbled into one my familiar haunts. I like the creaky wood, the smells, and just the familiarity. It felt good just to be somewhere where I could unwind.

Before long, I’d bought one for me. After lingering a bit longer, back I went to get one for a friend. It was around 8:30 when I stepped up to the counter to buy another one for myself. I didn’t get what I wanted but I heard the sobering reply: “I’m sorry sir but I can’t sell that to you.”

I admit, it set me back on my heels. I’d only bought three used books that night. Sure, two of them were for me, but one of the books was probably really going to be given to a friend that I might see again but who knows and so I might hold onto the book, because she might have it anyway so why would she need a second copy.

The clerk was cutting me off so early! Why? well that’s how used bookstores are these days.

In my hometown, the used bookstore owners and the clerks know me by name. Younger clerks learned about me from the seasoned ones, so they silently acknowledge me with a nod of the head. When it comes time for me to buy my used books, somehow the clerks and store owners can all sense if I have too many used books at home I just haven’t gotten to yet. It’s as if the smell of excess bindings, paper, and dust jackets is in the fiber of my clothing. (Maybe the clerk last night noticed the rogue Post-It Note which wandered away from being a bookmark to being stuck onto my coat sleeve.) Ultimately, until I read the used books I already have and pass them onto a worthy charity, the clerks stop serving me. They won’t let me buy any more until I reduce how many I have at home.

Of course when the clerk informed me that I hit my limit, my pride was wounded but I quickly recovered. “Oh yah, I wouldn’t want this…” inspecting the price scribbled on the title page. “This thing is $2.50. I thought it was just $2.00.” Shuffling out the door, I muttered “Didn’t really want it anyway.”

I considered driving to the next city over to get just one or two more books (after all it had been a long day at work), but I couldn’t get the clerk’s words out of my mind. Instead, I went back home, took the Post-It off my sleeve, explained to my wife where I’d been, and then sat down in my cozy chair to finish “An Unabridged History of Salt and Pepper Shakers in New Brunswick.” I plan to donate it to Goodwill tomorrow.

#bibliophile #bibliophileintervention #usedbooks

I am compelled to refute those who might mistakenly assume I am dull, risk-averse, or overly-conservative. My approach to life is full of zeal, spontaneity, and sometimes “living on the edge.” Here’s just a short list.

• This morning during my breakfast, I skipped taking my multi-vitamin.
• My wife bought a bag of triple-washed lettuce and I didn’t even give it a fourth rinse before making a salad.
• I seldom drive with my hands on the wheel at 10 and 2.
• The book I’m reading doesn’t even have a bookmark. (I’m enjoying the thrill of having to remember where I left off each time I read it.)
• I frequently estimate a 1/2 tablespoon of baking soda using a 1 tablespoon measuring spoon.
• Last night I put on my pajama top. I didn’t even check first to see if it was inside out or on backwards. I just went for it. (I’m pleased to say in this risky gamble, I guessed right: v-neck in front and right-side out!)
• My cell phone didn’t have a screen protector for more than two weeks.
• I went on a short 1 mile hike around a pond in one of our city’s parks, and I did not wear a fanny pack containing an emergency reflective blanket, rain poncho, or compass. (Yes, of course I had the fanny pack, but it only had the first aid kit, whistle, compass, and mirror. I’m a daredevil, but I’m not crazy.)
• Yesterday I went grocery shopping and went from memory as to what was left in the pantry and refrigerator. READ: No shopping list!
• I took an overnight trip and did not bring a pair of backup prescription glasses.

So there. And let me tell you…. this is just a short list. Watch out world cuz I’m hella footloose and fancy-free.

#risktakingbehaviors #livingontheedge