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Sung to the tune of Annie’s Song, by John Denver Please fill out my census.Are you black, white, or asian?Do you live in the country,Or in the city?Do you have any children?If so, state how many.You’ll fill out my census, in 10 years again. Come, let me count you.Gerrymander around you.Let me reckon your assetsLetContinue reading “Census Taker’s Song”

In public buildings, there are familiar signs such as Emergency Exit and Maximum Occupancy. Some buildings also note if the location is registered as a historical place. I would like some additional signs so I don’t have to wonder any more. Here they are: The number of ceiling tiles in the room. During an assembly,Continue reading “Signs We Need in Buildings”

The power of a single word struck me the other day. I was considering prepositions in the English New Testament and in church language that describe an individual’s relationship with Jesus. Here’s a few with a brief decription. For Christ – My personal declaration of allegiance In Christ – Securely enveloped in divine righteousness FromContinue reading “Pause to Ponder the Power of the Preposition”

In the Gospel of Mark 13:31, the apostle Peter says to Jesus: “If I have to die with You, I will not deny You!” In my printed Bible, just one thin, fragile page to the right, the same apostle Peter declares: “I do not know this Man of whom you speak” (Mark 14:72). As ifContinue reading “One Thin, Fragile Page”

I find an interesting dissonance between what people *think* is valued by a business as to what *is* actually valued by an business. Someone will apply for a position citing certain business-oriented accomplishments or skills. However, once on the job, that same person will apparently place greater value on other skills and accomplishments–some of whichContinue reading “Finally, an Honest Resume”

I want to understand human psychology when it comes to solving puzzles–jigsaw puzzles, specifically. Imagine explaining jigsaw puzzles to someone completely unfamiliar with them. Here’s my explanation. Life is difficult–full of unexpected and unpleasant problems at times. Moreover many people have jobs in which problems are tackled throughout the day. So for fun, here’s whatContinue reading “Creating My Own Problems to Solve”

I’ve done it. I’ve neatly classified the entire United States population into two types. It’s a straightforward bifurcation that will radically simplify all of our lives. Ready? There are two types of popcorn eaters: Selectors and Stuffers. You can walk into any movie theater and figure out who’s-who within a few minutes. Allow me toContinue reading “Identified by Popcorn Eating”

I received a warning letter the other day. Rather than attempt to describe, I’ll just include the body of the letter in full. Dear Sir: It is come to our attention that you have been frequently using thyme in your jokes. Thyme is an herb used primarily for cooking. It should not be used inContinue reading “A Spicy Cease and Desist Letter”

PART 1 Teresa was glad to get a break from the routine work at her desk. A chance to get up, move around, and stretch her legs. Her mission was simple enough: get another ream of copy paper from the storage cabinet. She sighed a unique combination of exasperation and exhaustion. All she wanted to doContinue reading “The Truth Match – A Short Story in Two Parts”