I’ve done it. I’ve neatly classified the entire United States population into two types. It’s a straightforward bifurcation that will radically simplify all of our lives. Ready?
There are two types of popcorn eaters: Selectors and Stuffers. You can walk into any movie theater and figure out who’s-who within a few minutes. Allow me to expand.
Selectors are those individuals who, with dainty thumb and forefinger, dip into a bucket of popcorn and pluck one–and only one–piece of popcorn and place it into their mouth. They do not repeat the process until the first piece is nearly or fully consumed.
Stuffers are those individuals who, claw into the bucket of popcorn until a fistful is fully and delicately captured (a piece may fall out the side). These people deposit the entire payload into their mouth, gyrating both mouth and hand until all pieces have successfully transferred into the awaiting receptacle.
I hope this helps you as it does me. I have other similar taxonomies that are helpful social navigation aids, such as: how someone arranges their play Monopoly money.
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