As my barber was finishing up, he asked: “Would you like any product?”
“No.” I firmly replied. Not simply because I didn’t want anything added to what little hair I have left, but because of my strong revulsion to the grammar of the question. Doesn’t it feel as if the inquiry is missing an adjective? I prefer “Would you like any hair product?” I’m also amenable to adding a prepositional phrase, such as: “Would you like any product in your hair?”
The barber’s question sounded so elitist and self-assured. I’m almost certain that while he was involuntarily rolling his eyes, he was thinking the following: “Of course EVERYONE knows about product. I wouldn’t be so boring as to reference it with any greater specificity. It’s so vulgar and debasing to devote any more time to enunciating a single additional syllable describing it.”
After leaving my barber sans product, I began scanning other industries where there’s this type of grammatical styling. For a framework, I turned to the Michael Scott list of industries, “There are four kinds of business: tourism, food service, railroads, and sales… and hospitals/manufacturing. And air travel.” Here’s my progress thus far:
Fast Food Restaurant: Would you like any ketchup? (i.e., not “ketchup packets”)
Looking for help on this one… please chime in on the comments.
#grammar #haircut
Mind Furniture 